Words... I am afraid that today they are not my friend. But I am going to give it a try. Living here in Declo I have a group of friends that are all around my same age and stage in life. We share in each others ups and downs in life and motherhood. This past week we have had tragedy strike one of our dear friends, and it my heart breaks for her.
Last Saturday morning as I was making breakfast Nate quietly mentioned to me that the previous night when he had gone to the Country Store (Declo's gas station... often joked about as the "Declo 3rd ward") the attendant had informed him that one of the Darrington's 2 year old grand-daughters was missing and there had been a big search party looking for her. She had been being babysat at the Osterhouts, who live on the river. Jayci had HUGE love of water and I am sure that from the time she got there she was thinking how to get to the river.... she did. Quoted from her obituary... "Jayci’s last and best adventure is where her life on earth ended, swimming with the angels."
It was after 9:30 pm when Nate heard she was missing and Nate knew with it being that late there was nothing he could do and then thinking of me... knowing me all too well.... he chose NOT to tell me until morning, knowing I would not be able to sleep, and then be sick from stressing. So, when he did tell me I immediately started thinking which of the Darrington's have a 2 year old daughter. I quickly found a minute to sneak away and call my friend Holly Darrington (she has all boys). She informed me that it was my friend Krissy's daughter, Jayci... who is not 2 but just 16 months.... 3 1/2 months younger than my Braden. She continued to tell me they had found her body early that morning. I lost it. My heart had just broke for Krissy. I was SO SAD!! I didn't know JaycI well. Kids are not generaly invited to our Ladies nights and we do not attend the same ward/meeting house. But that didn't change anything... I wanted to fix this, I wanted it not to be true. I was scared, I have a young child too! THIS CAN"T BE TRUE! I hung up with Holly called to Nate and just cried so hard for my friend.
From that point on... I was changed. I can't look at my own children the same. Holding Braden has new meaning. And bless his heart, he is not a cuddler, but this week he has been.
Thursday was her funeral. I made arrangements with Nate to watch our boys so I could go. I also made arrangements with a friend to sit with at the funeral. I knew this was not something I wanted or could sit through alone.
I got to hug my friend. We got to cry together and that meant so much to me. I got to see her sweet baby Jayci. She looked so perfect!! So peaceful. I remember looking at her and wishing she would wake up. Again, I wanted to fix this! I wanted this not to be true.
Her funeral was so wonderful. Krissy's friend and mine, spoke and gave several stories about Jayci. That was one of the lessons I have taken away from this tragedy. Krissy journal's so many things.. cute stories, daily happenings... frustrations..... I am horrible about keeping a journal and blogging. I guess I often feel like my days are so routine and un-exciting but I know they are not. I know my children are growing. They are doing cute, funny, and yes stressful things everyday and I know I can't remember them all. I was really impressed with the stories, dates and events that Robbie was able to share at the funeral.
Krissy's Bishop also spoke and shared a letter from her Brother-in-law who is currently serving a mission. One of the things he said that really touched me was "Our tears may fall for Jayci, but our spirits need not". Isn't that awesome!
After the funeral the rest of the day Thursday I felt kinda numb. I was so full of thoughts from the funeral, and still grieving for my friend, and her family. I needed comfort...... I have a strong testimony in our Heavenly Fathers plan. I have a strong testimony in the fact that Krissy's family will be together forever, I KNOW that Krissy will be with her sweet baby again. But, why was I still feeling so sad. That night as I kneel ed for prayer I asked my Father in Heaven to help give me comfort. To help me understand the loss of a young child. I got in bed and was reading in LDS.org on Nate's phone and I came across the Teachings of the Prophets/ Spencer W. Kimball.. chapter 2 Tragedy or Destiny? WOW this lesson had all the answers and comfort I was in need of. It was so awesome to find and have my prayer answered. That was another of the lessons I have learned this week. The loss of Jayci is NOT how I have wanted to learn these lessons. But I know that this week, feeling so sad and mourning for my friend. I have really grown and the lessons learned i hope to remember and continue.
I bare my testimony that I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. I know that we will have pain and sorrows but that we will also have peace and joy. I know that families can be together forever. I know my friend will live her life worthy to be with her baby again. And that testimony gives me great comfort.
Krissy. I wish this wasn't so. I wish I could take away your pain. Remember you are loved and have a whole army of support beside you. Love you.
1 comments:
Oh my gosh! This is so sad. I just sat here and bawled while I read it.
I know EXACTLY how you feel! My neighbors 4 year old little boy died in Dec 4 from Croup. He was an angel boy. He had autism and couldn't talk vey well, but you could see the angelic light in his eyes. He was just too perfect to be here. I got a phone call at 6:30 in the morning informing me of what had happened. I just stood out side her house for an hour that morning, my heart absolutely breaking for her. I felt so helpless. I wanted to fix it, to help her somehow, but there was nothing I could do.
As I walked numbly home the words of the hymn "Where can I turn for Peace?" came to my mind. The savior can comfort her when I can not. He suffered and died to know how to succor us when we are in pain. Even now, months later, my heart aches for her.
But there is another family in our ward who lost their two year old daughter a few years ago too. She drowned in their pool. It is such a comfort to see them now. They laugh and smile and live a normal life. They are ok. They will never be the same, but they made it through.
I don't know if any of that helps you, but I hope so.
What a little darling little Jaycie was. Makes me want to hold my kids a little closer.
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